I'm posting this blog entry with a lot of hesitation..but..Here we go..
Recently it seems like I've noticed a TON of negativity from pregnant women. Between Instagram & Facebook...it's almost overwhelming. I'll admit, I've been addicted to IG the last few months because of the woman that I've connected with, all of which are going through some of the same things I have. It's been amazing. When you've walked this road for so long, you tend to feel like you're alone. Why me? Why am I the oooonly one that has to go through this hell?! I found many woman who have thought my exact thoughts. I've also found women who have quickly become great friends, always cheering myself and others on. Whether it's an infertile, ivf, or a surrogate..we've all bonded.(Amanda!!!!)
When we started this journey 6 years ago I never thought we would have gone through all we have. I never in a million years thought it would take this long to have a child. I went through countless cycles taking so many meds that my body never responded to. Failed cycle after failed cycle, heartbreak every month...month after month! I became a very bitter person. "Oh hi, you're pregnant? Good, don't talk to me!" Pretty much par for the course for a lot of infertile women. It sucked and still does..but it's the cards I was handed. And, I wouldn't be the strong person I am today if it weren't for going through all that crap.
When I see other fellow infertile(now pregnant) women posting about how terrible their pregnancies are because they're having morning sickness, hot flashes, are always tired or stuck on bed rest...I cringe. I always think to myself, YOU WANTED THIS, literally, you signed up for pregnancy. I know that bedrest and icky morning sickness isn't the most desirable thing during pregnancy but you knew going into this journey that literally ANYTHING is possible. Nobody made you go through ivf, iui...whatever you might have used to get to the point you're at now. Not everyone has an easy pregnancy. But, the end result is what you want! That is the thing that has pushed you to put yourself and your body through this hell. Why complain? Think of the women you're hurting that can't afford any fertility treatments, the ones that like me that don't respond well to the fertility drugs, or the ones the have suffered multiple miscarriages.They long for a child just like you have. I know so many woman that would literally give anything to be in your position. I know I would! Throwing up or on bed rest? Bring it on! Sadly, Myself and others will never experience that..
I feel like seeing these woman complaining about being preggo after ivf would be like me complaining constantly about not being able to carry my own child. I can't, but would I give anything to be able to? HELL YES! I never thought I'd have to use another woman to finally achieve my dreams. I know what I signed up for when I decided to use our gestational carrier. I was and am very aware that it wasn't always going to be easy every step of the way. I could sit and say..why did my GC get preggo on the first try after I tried for 6 years? I'll never get to feel my baby inside me and she will never hear my heartbeat. I won't get to feel her hiccups or jabs. On top of that, I've spent SO many thousands of dollars to get to this point. Not only did all the previous years of infertility apprs, drugs, doc appts and all that before we did IVF all have to paid for, but then IVF have to be paid for, the gestational carrier has to be paid every month, insurance for her has to be paid every month, the time off she takes from work to go to our appts have to be paid, etc. I REALLY could have some massive complaints if I chose too. But, I don't. I don't because this is what we signed up for. Nobody forced us to use a GC or go through IVF. We wanted a baby and baby is what we are getting! How or why on earth could I ever complain about that?!
Ladies, I urge you to choose your words wisely. Think about the women that are out there that might see your postings or pictures when you're complaining. Think about how you felt when you saw other woman complaining about their pregnancies when at one time, that was all you wanted. You've got that now or will soon! I know it's not always easy but just stop the constant complaints! You're more than likely hurting more feelings then you really know. If you have to complain, keep if off fb and IG. Didn't you seek these other women as an infertile looking for support? Think about it!
With that being said.... I'll never be able to express how thankful I am for the gift my sister in law is giving us. She has seen so much of what we've gone through and knows that this is something we've wanted for so long. No amount of money would ever be able to repay her and we will forever be thankful for her and this little girl that she is growing so well!
Always remember...
Always remember...
This has been my theme song through so many dark times...
Sensational! I used to complain all the time when pregnant with my first child - I would have been horrible to be around. After a miscarriage with our second that left us struggling to conceive I felt every jab and twist of the knife when I heard others complain about being pregnant. I was a lucky one and was able to conceive naturally this time around after a blockage was removed (it took well over a year to get a doctor to listen to me and understand that there was really something wrong), and have taken a vow not to complain throughout this pregnancy, no matter what is has or will throw at me. I have also asked my friends to keep me accountable and pull me up if they hear me fall into negativity. Why, because I wanted this so bad, cried many tears after many negative tests, and many more when I would hear women complain constantly!
ReplyDeleteYES! Thank you for posting this!! I am so glad you did, I know you were hesitant about it. I think its also interesting especially because you are using a GC. No one EVER thinks about how that would feel when they are consistently bitching, either. Let alone the thousands upon thousands of dollars you have to spend in using a GC, or the fact that you have to emotionally deal with other things many don't. Love you tons lady!! You are so strong and amazingly BRAVE.
ReplyDelete@megbrink