I haven't updated my blog in so long! Things have been a bit hectic in our lives. On the 21st of June we had our home in College Place, Washington packed up and off to The Portland, Oregon area we went. Home! We both grew up about 20 miles out of Portland in a very small town. Me on a farm, Erik in town. It will always be home to us. For now we are living on the farm with my parents until we find a house near Salem, OR where Erik is working. We have an offer in on a home and will hopefully be hearing back from them today. Fingers crossed! Erik started his new job today. Same career just a new location in a "new" state. Bigger and better oppertunities, a new start! We are going to miss all our dear friends in Washington. We moved there knowing 1 person but left with many great friendships and memories that we will cherish forever. If it wasn't for meeting our neighbors who quickly became one of my best friends, I don't know what I would have done. 💕
Brystol & Holly continue to do well. We had a doctors appt last week, everything went great and is right on track.
Sometimes I wonder where these people live when they are comparing their fruit or veggie to the size they say. Finding an 8 inch papaya was impossible, along with a 9 inch eggplant! You get the idea. 😉
One of these days I'm hoping that little lady will decide to move for us when we touch Holly's growing bump. Every time I put my hand on Holly's belly Brystol decides its time to take a nap or be a statue and not move. Lol. Poor Holly gets so frustrated that I can't feel her. We have couch dates every once in a while. Holly reclines on the couch and just chill there with my hand, waiting. It'll happen though, hopefully soon!
As of today we have 32 days until our baby shower and 109 until the due date! This summer is going to go by quickly, I hope!!!!!
I'm posting this blog entry with a lot of hesitation..but..Here we go..
Recently it seems like I've noticed a TON of negativity from pregnant women. Between Instagram & Facebook...it's almost overwhelming. I'll admit, I've been addicted to IG the last few months because of the woman that I've connected with, all of which are going through some of the same things I have. It's been amazing. When you've walked this road for so long, you tend to feel like you're alone. Why me? Why am I the oooonly one that has to go through this hell?! I found many woman who have thought my exact thoughts. I've also found women who have quickly become great friends, always cheering myself and others on. Whether it's an infertile, ivf, or a surrogate..we've all bonded.(Amanda!!!!)
When we started this journey 6 years ago I never thought we would have gone through all we have. I never in a million years thought it would take this long to have a child. I went through countless cycles taking so many meds that my body never responded to. Failed cycle after failed cycle, heartbreak every month...month after month! I became a very bitter person. "Oh hi, you're pregnant? Good, don't talk to me!" Pretty much par for the course for a lot of infertile women. It sucked and still does..but it's the cards I was handed. And, I wouldn't be the strong person I am today if it weren't for going through all that crap.
When I see other fellow infertile(now pregnant) women posting about how terrible their pregnancies are because they're having morning sickness, hot flashes, are always tired or stuck on bed rest...I cringe. I always think to myself, YOU WANTED THIS, literally, you signed up for pregnancy. I know that bedrest and icky morning sickness isn't the most desirable thing during pregnancy but you knew going into this journey that literally ANYTHING is possible. Nobody made you go through ivf, iui...whatever you might have used to get to the point you're at now. Not everyone has an easy pregnancy. But, the end result is what you want! That is the thing that has pushed you to put yourself and your body through this hell. Why complain? Think of the women you're hurting that can't afford any fertility treatments, the ones that like me that don't respond well to the fertility drugs, or the ones the have suffered multiple miscarriages.They long for a child just like you have. I know so many woman that would literally give anything to be in your position. I know I would! Throwing up or on bed rest? Bring it on! Sadly, Myself and others will never experience that..
I feel like seeing these woman complaining about being preggo after ivf would be like me complaining constantly about not being able to carry my own child. I can't, but would I give anything to be able to? HELL YES! I never thought I'd have to use another woman to finally achieve my dreams. I know what I signed up for when I decided to use our gestational carrier. I was and am very aware that it wasn't always going to be easy every step of the way. I could sit and say..why did my GC get preggo on the first try after I tried for 6 years? I'll never get to feel my baby inside me and she will never hear my heartbeat. I won't get to feel her hiccups or jabs. On top of that, I've spent SO many thousands of dollars to get to this point. Not only did all the previous years of infertility apprs, drugs, doc appts and all that before we did IVF all have to paid for, but then IVF have to be paid for, the gestational carrier has to be paid every month, insurance for her has to be paid every month, the time off she takes from work to go to our appts have to be paid, etc. I REALLY could have some massive complaints if I chose too. But, I don't. I don't because this is what we signed up for. Nobody forced us to use a GC or go through IVF. We wanted a baby and baby is what we are getting! How or why on earth could I ever complain about that?!
Ladies, I urge you to choose your words wisely. Think about the women that are out there that might see your postings or pictures when you're complaining. Think about how you felt when you saw other woman complaining about their pregnancies when at one time, that was all you wanted. You've got that now or will soon! I know it's not always easy but just stop the constant complaints! You're more than likely hurting more feelings then you really know. If you have to complain, keep if off fb and IG. Didn't you seek these other women as an infertile looking for support? Think about it!
With that being said.... I'll never be able to express how thankful I am for the gift my sister in law is giving us. She has seen so much of what we've gone through and knows that this is something we've wanted for so long. No amount of money would ever be able to repay her and we will forever be thankful for her and this little girl that she is growing so well!
Always remember...
This has been my theme song through so many dark times...
Another week down and another week closer to being able to kiss our sweet girl! Speaking of sweet girl, we got to see her on Wednesday! Ahh it was SO awesome! Our ultrasound actually lasted almost 45 minutes! Miss Brystol is indeed still a little lady and growing right on track. She was laying in a way that the tech couldn't see all 4 chambers of her heart, so that was really took the longest time but towards the end she rolled around and everything looked perfect.
Here are her little feet. They're crossed just like a little lady..
Profile
And a full profile..
Her little arms and legs look so long in the picture! I think it's only because she doesn't have much fat yet...or maybe she just has my genes with freakishly long arms and legs. Ha!
Saturday marked the official half way mark! 20 WEEKS!!!! I can't believe it! And, with the next few weeks going to be very busy for us, it's going to go even faster! Holly continues to do well with and throughout the pregnancy. So awesome!
When we had our ultrasound we obviously got to confirm it was still a girl. That made our next charm for the Pandora bracelet we got Holly very easy...and cute!!
Speaking of the next few weeks being very busy...there is a reason for that! After many months of waiting, crossing our fingers, attempting to plan and keeping our thoughts positive, we finally received the news we had been waiting for!
A new job & location! July 1st is the big day for Brystol's Daddy. Still the same career, just a different state. A new location closer to our family & friends, closer to where we grew up & a fresh new start! We will still be about an hour from "Home" but its close enough! We can not wait!
Here's to some fabulous new beginnings coming our way in the next 4 months!
It's hard to believe that we are almost 1/2 way thru this pregnancy! Holly continues to do well and that sweet bump continues to grow!
Every week continues to get more and more exciting the closer that D-day gets! This week Brystol is the size of a 6 inch mango. Now, finding a mango that is 6 inches long proved to be quite the task. When my Mom went looking for a mango of that size and couldn't find one, we figured making our own 6 inch fruit was the next best thing. So, here you have this lovely chopped up mango that is wrapped in suran wrap..lol. You get the idea!
A along through this journey I knew I wanted to induce lactation in order to breastfeed Brystol. I've gotten in touch with all the right people, had long conversations with people that have successfully induced lactation, talked with lactation specialist and bought a pump. After we got back from vacation a few weeks ago I started the process and had been at it for a little over a week. Towards the end of that week I had a doc appt and found out that due to the meds I'm on for my heart( I had an infection in the lining of my heart a few years ago and since have a high heartbeat, so I'm on meds to keep the ol' heartbeat down) I can't breastfeed. Going off the meds in order to breastfeed is also not an option. Talk about frustrating! I already can't carry my own baby but now I can't even supply breast milk for her. Always has to be something it seems! It was a frustrating few days and yet again, I felt I was failing. A few days later I decided to post in a Mommy and Baby group I'm in on Facebook. I asked if anyone in the group had ever used a breast milk donation bank. I got quite a few responses, all from women I didn't know saying they'd be willing to pump extra and donate it to me. It's so nice to know there are still some good people in this world and such a thoughtful thing to do for a complete stranger! However, I couldn't bring myself to be completely comfortable receiving donated breast milk from someone I don't know nor have a way to screen it for any drugs, diseases, etc. While I was in the midst of looking around at a few different breast milk banks I received a message from a girl I went to high school with. Her message,
" Hey Christa! I just wanted to say how happy I am for you guys! I have been following along your journey and I am so amazed by your strength.
I wanted to mention that I have quite a lot of milk in my freezer that I will likely never use. I was going to find something to do with it but I saw your post in the mommies group and it got me thinking.
If you would be interested I would be willing to donate some of my milk. You can think about it- and ask me any questions. I'd love to help if I can.
Let me know what you think. 😊"
I don't know this little Momma(her name is a secret, for now. :-) ) all that well but I do know she's a healthy girl, has a 4 1/2 month old that breastfeeds and has been one of our cheerleaders through this whole process. As of last week she already had 170oz saved up in her freezer for us and that was without starting to pump both side! Impressive little milk machine! Her generosity brought me to tears the other day while we were talking on the phone and I just can't thank her enough for what she's going to be doing for us. Brystol is one lucky little girl! Little Momma, I know you'll read this and I literally can't say "thank you" enough!
Next week we have our official gender scan with the doctor and 20 week appt! Brystol's Great Grandma will be joining us for that ultrasound. She was a nurse practitioner for years and I'm sure will just be in awe of how far technology has come in the baby world since she was on that side of the fence. Can't wait to see how much our little lady has grown in the last 5 1/2 weeks!!!!!
Time is flying by! We are officially 17 weeks along. Wow!
Check it out...
Pretty soon that bump is going to be poking out of that shirt!!!
I love it!!!
Today is Mother's Day.
It's weird to actually be celebrating this day. For the last 5 years its been a day that I would mourn.
I have a baby, but it's not in my arms and hasn't been for over 5 years.This time next year I will have a 2 babies!
I had a great weekend. To kick it off I walked in the house to some beautiful flowers and sweet card from my hubby. We then headed east for the weekend to Joseph where we stayed in a great cabin, went for a long drive, did some fishing and relaxing. It was beautiful & warm weekend!!!! I didn't want to come home today!!!
How's this for a Mother's Day gift from my Mom and Dad..
I love it and think it will be perfect to keep Brystol warm on those cold fall and winter days.
Thanks again Mom and Dad!
It's hard to believe that in 3 days Holly will be as far along in the pregnancy as I was when I had that horrid miscarriage. I find it ironic that 17 weeks along hit the same weekend as Mothers Day weekend. I guess it just goes to show that sometimes things really are meant to be!
How did I ever get so far behind?! Whoops! Time is really starting to pick up and go by quickly!
Here is that baby bump at 14 weeks...
15 weeks...
On April 24th we got to have our gender scan! Ohhh my goodness, it was amazing! Here was our gender reveal picture that we sent to our family and friends...
Yep, it's a GIRL!
Here are a few ultrasound pictures of our little Brystol Ann...
We are both so excited for a girl! The day we found out we were also heading out on vacation. We traveled down Hwy 101 all the way down to San Francisco to Brystol's Uncles house. Stayed there a few days and got to see The craziness of San Fran, the Golden Gate and down to Half Moon Bay for an AMAZING lunch. We also got to see the beauty of Yosemite. Oh my, it was SO pretty! We also drove through the Redwood Forest on our way down 101, that was also BEAUTIFUL! After that we went east to Lake Tahoe. I think this was one of my favorite parts of our whole trip. That place has some seriously AMAZING beauty and we will be going back!! After Tahoe we went to Reno...blah! Not my kind of place but we did get some good people watching in! All in all our vacation was wonderful! We drove over 3,000 miles and had a great time. Oh yes, we alsoooo got some good shopping in for our little lady! Actually, we may or may not have gone CRAZY with the clothes shopping. Haha, oh well. Guess that is what happens when we've been waiting for a baby for 6 years!
On the 2nd of May we had an OB appt with Holly. All went great, Brystol is growing right on track and has a good healthy heartbeat. It was a quick appt but I'm glad all is going well. Holly is also still growing Brystol like a champ and has had no problems, especially now that she's got her energy back.
Well, here we are at 16 weeks!
Have you ever seen a turnip that was 5 inches long? We used an onion instead..
The day we had our ultrasound we gave Holly the start of a Pandora bracelet. It's a little gift to show the GINORMOUS amount of appreciation we have for her and what she is doing for us. The first charms are a baby carriage and a family circle. We can't wait to continue adding to it!!
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