It feels like the last few weeks have been such a crazy whirlwind. This last weekend was my 6th trip to Portland in a row. I've been exhausted and am so glad I have a few weeks before having to make the trip again.
On Wednesday my baby girl, Noel, had to be put down unexpectedly when an unknown tumor burst in her belly causing her whole inside cavity to start filling with blood. It's been horrible. She was my baby, my princess. Knowing there was no time for me to drive to Portland to say goodbye to her hurt but I'd rather her not have to suffer any longer then she did. That old girl went through everything with my brother and I. From pulling my little brother on his skate board, to us dressing her up in our clothes, she went on road trips with us, became a farm dog, loved her grapes, apples and plums, running around the farm with the 4 wheeler or tractors...I could go on. It's been rough and I miss that sweet face dearly. She passed away 4 days shy of her 12th birthday. Oh, my sweet Noel, I'll forever miss you..
On Thursday we got to meet with our attorney for the first time. Extremely nice & informative lady! We went over over what the whole contract phase. Wrote down what we would want, what we wouldn't want and got tons more questions answered as well as a list of things we need to do...like make a will, for both of us. Kinda freaky to think about since we are younger but it does make sense. People need to know what to do if we were to pass away while someone else is pregnant with our baby. I get it.
Friday through Sunday was another whirlwind in it self. My little brother got married on Saturday and besides taking their wedding photos, there was so many thing to do and help with. All in all it was a great wedding, tons of fun and nobody passed out!
Yesterday we got some not so great news. Let me start by saying that I have NO negative feelings towards my gestational carrier, none what so ever. Our GC has decided that this whole process is to much right now and will not fit well in her life currently. She has a busy job, 2 kids and basically is a single momma as her hubs works out of town. As you can imagine we were quite shocked. As hard as it is to take on that thought process, I completely understand. How could I not? She needs to do what's best for her and her family first and foremost. I'm sad she won't be carrying our child and I'm sad I won't get to continue this journey with her. She's been a great friend through the years though and I plan to continue being great friends with her and her family..no matter what!
Where does that put us? Back at square one. We are back on the search for a baby oven, a stork, a gestational carrier..whatever you want to call it. I'm not completely sure where to start again but I hope we can find a willing soul to lend us her belly for 9 months.
Today we also had our psych eval...after the psychologist was an hour and 5 minutes late calling. THAT was annoying. We passed with flying colors though and were told that we both have a great open mind frame going into this/ Good to know. I just want a damn kid...I don't care how I get it at this point!
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