Thursday, November 15, 2012

Exciting email!

Last night I got an email from Vanessa, our ivf coordinator at ohsu, saying that she was waiting for Dr.P to answer a question and then she would be getting the rough draft of our plan together and sent to me. I anxiously waited all day and checked my email a gazillion times.

Finally, tonight I saw the message come in from Vanessa. So far all the FDA screening and bloodwork has come back good. What does that mean?! That means I start more meds and will be having my egg retrieval around the 13th of January!!!!!!! I got to that part in the email and tears filled my eyes! Even better.. The next part of the email.. Transfer will be around the 20th!!!!!! HOLY CRAP!!!!!!! I have been holding it back and trying to not get my hopes up but ...they're officially UP!!!

I've also been going back and forth with our attorney today and have finished our contract! I received the final draft this afternoon....thank goodness! Now we just have to get Holly to an attorney to review it all and we will be good to go!!

This all the sudden feels a ton more real!!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Butterflies and Rainbows...HA

Lately, I've been feeling the side effects of all the stress that goes into this whole journey. I feel a little selfish even saying that. People are always telling me to think positive.

The reality...after 5 1/2 years of failure & heart break month after month.. Being positive is easier said then done. I am positive that it is one of those things that you just don't understand unless you've been through it. When you are the one sitting back, fighting your body with everything you have to try and carry a baby, that same day you see that dreaded -negative- on your pregnancy test. In the same month you can read about multiple people being pregnant. Some on their 2nd or 3rd child, some that were frustrated because they tried for 3 "long" months and other lucky individuals that get preggo the first month they started trying. If one only knew what I would give to be one of those scenarios.

 Instead, I've sat back and spent countless hours in doctors offices, had countless amount of tests & procedures done, taken pills, given myself shots...all with no good outcome. I've been having some serious anxiety ever since I saw this come out of our bank account...

Yep, you read that correct. It's a harsh reality and honestly, scares the shit out of me! Yea, it's just money. But, that's a LOT of money. This isn't like putting a down payment on a house or a car where you KNOW you'll be getting whatever it is you just spent $23k on.  That's money that we don't get back if this all doesn't work. And, like I was explaining in another post, that's not even close to all of it!!! That lovely number...yea, it is what is creating the acne I currently have going on. It's acne that a damn 15 year old should have...not someone that is  in her mid 20's! The anxiety and the weight gain that this stress is causing is beyond frustrating, The lack of sleep I get every.single.night because my mind is constantly running a million miles each way..thinking about all the "what ifs" sucks!!!

Nothing makes my blood boil more then reading or hearing about people complaining about clothing being to small or being so tired all the time, etc. I get it, I fully understand that pregnancy is not a wonderful thing ALL the time. I often wonder if the ladies that are doing the complaining realize how many people would do almost anything to be in their shoes. I know I would!!!! I would GLADLY take morning sickness, more stretch marks, being exhausted and clothing not fitting...just to have a baby!!!

Think about it and be glad that you were blessed with a body that is able to carry your little miracles!!

Ps: yes, this is a jumbled up rant. Deal with it!

Saturday, November 10, 2012


Ahh so much has happened this week. I was at ohsu 3 different times in 4 days. On Tuesday Holly had her mock cycle testing after being on Estrace for 2 weeks. All went great at that appointment. They checked the lining of her uterus and all was good, after that was done they went on with the mock cycle, inserting the catheter to make sure all was ok for when we do the transfer. This is a picture of her uterus with the catheter inserted.

 After that they used saline to blow the uterus up to check for any abnormalities.

All was clear and the doctor said everything looked great. Holly had FDA screening/blood work done as well but that won't be back for a week or 2. She also went on Thursday for her psychological evaluation. All went well with that as well and we found out she's not legally a crazy lady! (-:

On Thursday I went in for my FDA screening, physical & questionnaire, ultrasound and bloodwork. My brother also had an appointment to get his FDA bloodwork done as well. My appointment started soooo incredibly awkward! So as the nurse was walking me to the room, I saw a guy at the end of the hall that looked familiar but I figured I had just seen him there at ohsu. So I'm waiting for the doctor to come in and next thing I know here comes the doctor...the same man I saw down the hall. It then hit me where I knew him from. He's a customer that comes out to my parents tree farm every year..and has for years. I remember his children being small and they're now teenagers! So as he walks in the room I couldn't hold it back and blurted out " well, this is awkward!" Lol! He then realized who I was and went on to assure me that everything was professional and confidential, obviously. Dr.L is super nice though. After all that was done I had to have blood drawn, ha! What an show that was. After 35 minutes and 11 pokes, they finally got their 7 viles of blood from me. Sheesh! The best part was when I was sitting there in between nurses trying to get my blood, randy walked in. He sat down and was going to have his blood drawn and happened to tell the nurse that he's know to pass out, they immediately took him to another room where he was able to lay down while getting his blood taken.Sure enough he also had no blood that wanted to be taken and had to have 6 pokes! We caused quite the commotion! Check out all my blood..

On Friday it was Erik's turn to head on in. He had to have the FDA bloodwork, questionnaire and physical. All went well with him and no problems.